A Great Marriage is not when the “perfect
couple” comes together. It is when the imperfect couple learns to enjoy their
differences. :)
As far as the saying goes I
really feel there is no such thing as a perfect couple. There are just people
with great attitudes towards the commitment called Marriage.
Perfect Marriages result from Perfect attitudes
Marriages work when you keep each
other’s happiness on highest priority. They don’t work on sacrifice. Rather
they work on the simple principles of management and more importantly
friendship and team work. Marriage is not about providing service. Rather it’s
about companionship which comes from being a close witness to each other’s life,
caring for each other, laughing at silly things and keeping a common agenda that’s
to make each other happy. Anyhow!
Staying married is not a successful
marriage. Rather Being happy in a marriage is a successful marriage.
Surviving the World First
First of all, every human-being
should be trained in basic survival skills irrespective of the fact whether
they want to get married or not. Survival skills include:
·
Personal Hygiene like brushing teeth at least
twice a day and taking bath, wearing clean clothes.
·
Keeping the house organized and clean.
·
Exercise
·
To be able to Cook a good nutritious meal for 4.
·
Banking Skills
·
Travel skills
·
General Awareness
·
IT skills
For example both the partners
should know how to book tickets online, how to drive, how to cook and how to do
banking etc. If both partners are well versed with the basic nuances of
surviving in the world then each can contribute and be an ASSET and not a
liability. For example if one partner doesn’t know how to drive then the other
partner can never take a break from driving and on the other hand you are
eternally dependent plus can never experience the blessings of being on your
own. Driving is one of the key survival skills in today’s world.
Also every member in the family
must sincerely try to contribute financially. Everyone has to understand that
the world runs on Money. An outing, shopping, schooling, ice cream, gold, foreign
trips you name it and it cannot be free from the monetary aspect. Even the so-called
free things have hidden costs. You might want to schedule things on Google
Calendar since it’s free but can you use it without the broadband or Data
connection? Answer is No.
Children from a very young age should
be taught the importance of earning. I am not defending Child Labour but I
certainly feel that children have immense energy which is not tapped for
something productive. They waste a lot of time watching bogus serials on
Cartoon Channels and playing stupid games with friends whereas with their kind
of energy they can contribute much more. They are quick learners and really
enjoy productive pursuits.
Segregating your
Family life and Professional life
The family or inmates of a house
should treat the house as their own. Once you enter your home, you must leave
behind your professional designations. You might be a Prime Minister or a Super
Star for the world but for your kids your being their Dad or Mom means
everything to them. They don’t need your authority.
One should be happy to play a
mom, a daughter, a father or a husband and shed
all authority and power outside the door and come in without any dominance surrendering oneself to participate and
contribute to make every moment a happy
one.
Avoidable Disagreements and Cat Fights
Fights in marriages can be broadly classified into:
·
Division of labour
·
Finances
·
Extended Families
If the basis of the relationship
is friendship and understanding, no issue is big enough. When you operate as a
team, every social obligation, every family responsibility, every crisis can be
dealt with successfully. Again one needs to understand that they both belong to
the same team.
If one drops a catch it’s the team that loses the match.
The thing is there is only one
long term solution to problems i.e. Fairplay!
If you take fair decisions they will always keep the trust intact. For example,
If you are biased towards your family and friends and give second hand
treatment to your partner’s family and friends there will be an air of
discontentment and resentment always. Again point is to keep your partner’s
happiness on priority and you will see its easier to tolerate the otherwise
dumb people. It might take a while but one must work hard to always arrive on a common ground. No problem
should be big enough to break you as a team.
Most important is an open dialogue. If you can openly
discuss things without ego clashes
and without confusing issues and without blame games, then you are set
out for a great life ahead.
For instance, My friends Vinod
and Doris are both working for Doordarshan Ahmadabad and have 3 kids. Vinod works in the morning
shift and Doris works in the evening shift which gets over by 9 O’ Clock in the
night. They take turns with the kids. The key is to find a way to get the best of both worlds, be it
family or be it career.
On a Conclusive Note
Every human-being is different and has
a different appetite for things. And every human-being deserves a fair chance
to quench their appetite. There is no thumb rule since
the equation to solve is unique for everyone. One must brainstorm, talk it out with one's partner to find a the win-win solution as a team.
For example every woman is not career oriented and similarly every woman is not
cut out to end up in the kitchen. Different people need different ways of life
to work for them. And the trick is to optimize and customize according to the need and brevity of the situation.
Exercise : Write down separately
what you really want from life. Then discuss with your partner. Get views and
work out a solution that makes both the partners happy. It’s not impossible!! Everything
is workable. Just shake things up!! Try a different angle.
