Pleasure meeting you Protima...

I was intrigued by the personality of Protima Bedi even as a child. And recently after so many years, on a casual outing with my family, when I happened to come across this book called “timepass” which is a memoir about her life and times (written by herself), I just couldn’t resist but buy the book.

I simply love books that are extremely readable and easy to connect with. The incredibly honest account captured me completely, so much so that I stood there as a statue and read the first few pages right there at the book store, absolutely lost…

Its starts from her early childhood days… precisely from the time when she could practically rely on her memory.

Whether it’s her confession about wetting beds as a small child or her first experience as a 9 year old, of her cousin raping her numerous times, the consequent trauma and the subsequent coming to terms with the cruel realities of life… the narration is so candid that it becomes difficult to believe that the conversation is in first person.

The story moves on giving an unbelievably open account of all the relationships she had & of how her focus kept shifting from one man to the other as a true nomad that she was. And of how she ultimately found peace in dance(Odissi).

Throughout the book there are several moments when you feel that you have felt the same at similar junctures in life but those emotions seemed to be impossible to voice. That’s the strength of this book… it increases the volume of certain feelings which reside somewhere extremely close to the subconscious …which can be felt but definitely can’t be heard, forget expression.

She effortlessly takes you on a blind trip and many hidden questions surface inside you looking for answers in the depth of your psyche.

On a concluding note, I thoroughly enjoyed being a witness to the life of this crazy woman…and having quenched the intrigue, I had as a child all I can say is, its not every day that the God Almighty creates such women. Its rare…rare in the true sense of the term.

Of bikes and partners of life...

You know how one feels when he sees his dream bike in the Window of a magnificent showroom…
Once back home …He dreams …dreams and dreams…The longing gets stronger…

And then

The day finally comes…after waiting for eternity…

The dream bike is home…

Its so hard to believe…You check it again once you are awake in the morning…

You take the first round

The EUPHORIA is incredible…

Then you take it to ur college…and it seems as if everyone has eyez only for u …n ur bike…

"Dream come true” feels nice…Special…!!!

The story moves on…

One fine day it breaks down inspite of all the gud care you take…

You wonder the servicing was done just a week back…

Why the hell, this thing does not start ???

It does gets started again…after a little overalling…

The more you enjoy the ride…the more you hate the scratches and the breakdowns…

All the “goods” it has to offer are taken for granted …afterall that is what it was paid for…

But as it seems… its really hard to get used to the “bads”…

They have to be questioned always…

BUT

Still the fact remains that you love ur bike…the way it flies…the way you feel the wind…

Wondering what this is all about?

Its about how having your dream bike cud be similar to marriage…

Having a partner…a family…

Its truely wonderful to have someone to come back to…

It does need its fair share of work n maintenance…

And it still breaks down when least expected…

Still the fact remains…

Its beautiful to have a witness to ur life…Some one as close as Self…!

Not just paranthas...

Memories of Mathew Aunty are as old as my childhood days. Fair, plump with a nepali face , full of overwhelming warmth and affection. Full name- Kamal Mathew. Teena -her only daughter used to be my best friend. She had inherited the unarming nature of her mother and I was sooo much in love with her. This was when I was probably in the 2nd standard that is 7 or 8 yrs of age.

Ismail Bhai-my first auto waala, (equally loving and affectionate) used to pick me up first coz I used to live in Musakhedi the farthest stop from the school.

Teena used live in the interior of Musakhedi therefore the next stop was hers. A by lane full of small sized houses and this one was probably the corner one. A set of 5-6 stairs, straightaway heading to the small kitchen and Aunty preparing piping hot and the best stuffed paranthas known to mankind. What a sight to start the day!

She always used to greet everyone with so much warmth that her picture stayed with you for eternity. We used to exchange our tiffins as I used to love Aunty's preparations and Teena would always love to share the mouthwatering delicacies with me.

Mathew Uncle on the other hand, was stern and did not choose to mingle with people. With the meager understanding that I had about life, I simply used to love the fact that I was associated with the family. My world was perfect.

And then came a turning point which shattered my small world.

She left the school. And all of a sudden I realized that a void was created which was impossible for me to fulfill. Time moved .I got new friends but I could never forget the kind of connection I had with her. Then one day I got the news that Teena got married. I felt sooo helpless and I thought where in the world she might be? I'll never get to see her again...

Years passed and we shifted to Neer Nagar, to our own house. Beautiful and spacious... in the outskirts of the city, in the lap of nature. Those days I was doing my engineering in IT.

One fine day Vapchi (My Father's youngest sister i.e. my bua) who used to stay with us , told me that Mathew Aunty and Uncle have shifted to the Old Age Home just a few yards away from our place. And I was dumbstruck… Life came a full circle...

We decided to go and meet them. Quite taken aback, I gathered myself to see them. Apparently their life was in a really bad shape as they landed in an old age home. Suddenly all the memories of Teena and Aunty passed my mind and I made a quick decision that in the absence of Teena its my duty to take care of them.

Therefore I met them daily. Those days I used to perform in musical shows and used to take Aunty with me for the practice sessions. It changed her mood and lifted her spirits.

We became great companions. We used to talk to for endless hours about everything under the sun...I came to know that she retired as a School Principal of The reputed Bengali School Indore...And also that people still remember her for her work and the positive changes she brought to the institution during her tenure.

I also came to know that her life was a long struggle because she had a very bad marriage and that Uncle never really treated her well...

This was the very reason to get Teena married at an early age of 19.

I noticed that she was very dutiful and caring towards Uncle but still, he could never reciprocate... God knows for what stupid reason...He used to be very rude to her and would even become violent at times...And I used to wonder how someone can be bad to such a beautiful and warm person...

Nevertheless she stood beside him like a rock all her life...And I used to think why women sacrifice their life for people who are not worth....?

Uncle passed away an year after and now Aunty lives in Jhansi as it happens to be Teena's Sasuraal.

She stays near a slum area and tries to serve the poor to the best of her abilities. We are still in touch with each other. Now that I have entered the fifth year of my marriage…the equations with people keep changing…But I still miss the time we spent together and I would like her to know that I love her! And she’ll always hold a special place in my heart…

Disclaimer

It is rather funny to notice how the disclaimers sound.

If it is text they are written in a font size that’s absolutely unreadable. One has to really strain one’s eyes to make a head and tail out of it.

If it is vocal, it will be too fast to be noticeable, making sense is another story altogether.

But ironically after making the decision or (if you happen to be fortunate enough) just when you are about to make the deal, the “t and c applied” becomes visible, and all of a sudden, the blur effect exchange places and you see something you did not notice before. And this something brings all proceedings to a hold.

And you instantly have the eye opener kind of sinking feeling which can be defined as the twin of shock and disbelief coupled into one. And as disappointment rises meteorically, it becomes incredible for you to realize and accept that you were focusing on the wrong stuff all this while.

Disclaimer in the true sense of the term means you cannot claim anything once you succumb to the magnificent promises made, and after the deal you’ll eventually understand that they mean business when they say benefit.

Sadly, even real life’s most important turning points offer so many visible, viable and at times lucrative options that you end up making a choice which is moreover biased more often than not, and this time again you notice the disclaimer only later, when a shift of focus happens.

I guess the question of paramount importance is not WHAT is available? OR What people generally choose to do under given circumstances?

It rather is- what are YOU looking for? Look hard if not harder…